Commercials Review I

So as usual I'm watching television and this commercial comes on. This girl with braces is really excited about something, I assume she has herpes and is about to go rock climbing, but she is actually excited about her braces. Now I never had braces (not because I have perfect teeth because my overbite is so bad it would be useless) but everyone who I knew had them hated them. So I'm already pissed off and we are only six seconds into the commercial. Braces had just gotten her braces and the other girl we'll call her nobraces asks braces if they hurt and braces says no (which is a lie anyone who had just gotten braces will tell you they hurt like a bitch right after). Then nobraces tell her they look great and braces smiles and is proud of the recycled World War II bomber around her teeth. Then a guy she likes looks at her and goes "Braces?" and braces responds yes and he goes "Cool!" and the two girls giggle and the commercial tells the audience what the company is (some orthodonist company) and the commercial ends. Now first of all clearly they brought Shakespeare and Hemingway from the dead to write the dialogue, and secondly they decided to go for the emmy (or whatever crappy award they give for advertising) with the acting from the guy. Also the commercial is far from realistic, no boy would be impressed by braces and no girl would be that proud of her braces. So this commercial sucked at every level, plus the kids were under 16 so any thoughts I may have would be illegal so I didnt even have that going for me. Luckily it was a regional commercial so they get a pass at the crappiness.

The other commercial is a national commercial for Subway (from now on it will be referred to as crapway). Now I am spoiled with wawa so I hated crapway to begin with, but the "Jared" commercials send me over the edge. First of all I'm angry because every airport or anywhere I have to show my ID or when I introduce myself people go "Oh like from Subway you lost a lot of weight" as they chuckle at their stupid joke. Good one Richard Pryor haven't hear that one before. The Crapway Jared is some fat loser who had no friends and went to subway everyday should we really be celebrating him anyway. So Crapway Jared with his loser glasses, his loser shirt tucked into his loser pants, and his ugliness starts talking about how Crapway has doubled their menu (they did this by toasting sandwiches taking the exact idea that made quiznos unique, so the evil corporation crapway is, they decided to steal that idea and take business away from a company with a unique idea). And asks "Has McDonalds doubled their menu?" Of course not fuckface how would they do that toast their fries. This commercial is part of a new McDonalds bashing advertising campaign that tells us how much healthier Crapway is for us than McDonalds. First of all I'm sure it took the assbrains at Crapway ten years to discover what consumers knew for the last thirty. Second why attack McDonalds I understand that you are both fighting over the fast food market but they serve two completely different purposes. If you feel like a sandwich you will go to wawa (or crapway if you are from somewhere that sucks, except Jersey has wawa even with their reputation for sucking) and if you feel like a hamburger you go to another place. It would be like Olive Garden trash talking Outback or Pepsi bashing a juice company it just shows how dumb these companies are. Crapway also has a new sandwich that is a hamburger on a sub roll, which I just feel is hypocritical and a concession that they can't actually compete with fast food places. So this is Crapway's reputation, they bash companies unprovoked and stupidly too since they serve completely different food, they have some social reject sponsoring their restaurant, and they steal ideas from other companies. Crapway is clearly evil and should be boycotted.